


10 Things I Hate About You

by chaotically_cas



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Including a lot of Joe & ollie & Lucy’s hcs so credit to them muah, M/M, Referenced Jally, tw cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotically_cas/pseuds/chaotically_cas
Summary: Tim didn’t know how he got stuck cleaning out Dallas Winston shit from the dirty apartment above Buck’s bar. Probably because Tim was the closest thing Dallas had to family. Aside from Johnny Cade, but they were in a far different kind of way. Johnny and Dally that was.
Relationships: Johnny Cade/Tim Shepard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	10 Things I Hate About You

**Author's Note:**

> Stream ‘better’ by andlucyy
> 
> Also this has been in & out of my wips for a month so fjkskdkkfl

Tim didn’t know how he got stuck cleaning out Dallas Winston shit from the dirty apartment above Buck’s bar. Probably because Tim was the closest thing Dallas had to family. Aside from Johnny Cade, but they were in a far different kind of way. Johnny and Dally that was. 

Tim knew Johnny but only because he knew Dally. He heard about him all the times that Dallas ranted to him drunk or unwittingly asked for advice when he was otherwise compromised to the point he wouldn’t remember it the next morning. 

He heard a lot about Johnny Cade. Probably too much for both of their liking. He heard about Johnny’s soft lips and pleading eyes. He heard about Johnny’s threateningly alluring tone and small rough hands. And a lot more than that too. But nothing yet that made him understand why Dallas was so completely mad for the younger boy. 

And then Tim found the letter. 

It was tucked under the mattress in between the sheet and the bed frame, something Dallas must have missed in his haste to leave as quickly as he did.

At first Tim thought it was left on purpose, Dally wasn’t in that much of a run. Even though Tim hadn’t had much of any idea why he was deciding to skip town. The warrant for his arrest wasn’t any different than it usually was. So Tim thought it was some sort of goodbye letter.

But as he opened the wrinkled, old, molting piece of paper, he immediately put the idea past Dally. 

‘Dear Johnny,  
I ain’t never gonna have the guts to give this to ya. I know that’s weak and dumb of me. Like I’m one of Two’s slutty blondes. But it’s true I think Johnny.’

And before Tim knew it, his eyes were ablaze on the paper. Trying to read and understand every sloppily written word and confession. 

‘I don’t know what you’re doing to me Johnny. Man. It ain’t fair the way you got me writing all the shit like a damn girl. I don’t understand it, not a bit of it. It’s like you got some kind of spell cast on.’

‘Sometimes I think I hate you Johnny. But then I remember the way you smile at me and the way your hands touch me and I don’t think anymore. I know. I hate you. I hate the way that I wish I hated you. I hate everything about it.’

‘I hate everything about you Johnny Cade. You’re stupid girly eyes and unrest hips. Light voice calling my dumb names. Making me wish you were a damn broad so I didn’t hate myself as much as I do for not hating you at all Johnny. Not one bit.’

‘I think about it like this I mean. I think if there are other people around here that are like us then maybe I wouldn’t hate you so much. I don’t want to say it cause that word makes me mad no matter how much I hear people calling you it.’

‘But I don’t know anyone around here like us Johnny. I mean, obviously there has to be. I see you around. But I don’t want to think about them. I still don’t know anyone at all anything like you. And I think that’s what makes me hate you.’

‘You’ve always been smart, Johnny. Smarter than me and smarter than anyone else I know. Maybe that’s how come you’re smart enough to know you deserve better than me. And you deserve better than all those other greedy guys too.’

‘I know you know that if I know they're using you, you know it too. You’re not dumb enough not to. And that also pisses me off Johnny. I don’t understand. I know i'm not good enough for you, but come on, no one in this world is. No one at all.’

‘I hate loving you Johnny Cade. I absolutely hate it. I know it ain’t your fault but I blame you anyway. I blame you for making me fall for you like a damn school girl. I hate you Johnny. But I love you.  
Dallas Winston’

Tim only understood parts of the letter without it’s full context but he got enough of the full picture to understand why Dallas was gone, even if the letter was at least a few months old and covered in dust and wear. 

He was able to understand that by the time Johnny was nineteen, he was sick of the whole angsty teen romance thing. He was sick of the way Dally kept stringing him along like a dog on a leash. And then something snapped in Johnny where he started to know better. He knew he was more mature than Dallas Winston and he knew he deserved better. And by the looks of the letter, Dally did too. 

Johnny was intelligent enough and had gotten old enough to know that the way Dally treated him, good intentions and all, wasn't what he wanted. Johnny wanted something that Dallas could never really offer him. No one in Tulsa really could. Stability. But stability in Tulsa was a fever dream at best. Which made Tim understand why Dallas hated that about Johnny. Hated the way Johnny longed for something so far out of reach. 

But now Dallas was gone and Tim wondered if he should give Johnny the letter or not. Maybe it would give him some closure. Tim didn’t know everything about what their relationship was like but even he would be upset if someone so close to him just up and left without a word. 

Tim knew how it felt to hate, but not truly hate, Dallas Winston. Maybe it was something him and Johnny had in common. Maybe the both of them were just too mature to deal with Dally’s shit anymore. And maybe that’s what made them alike. 

And pretty soon Tim was outside Buck’s bar, letter tucked deep in his jacket pocket as he punched the Curtis house number into a payphone, bringing the phone to his ear as it rang. 

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s Tim-“

“I don’t know where Curly is” Tim heard Sodapop grumble from the other end of the phone, sounding busy. He could hear the noise of playful arguing in the background and assumed Soda and Steve were up to their usual poker game antics. 

“Not calling about Curly.”

“Oh, then what’s up Timmy?”

Tim didn’t have the mind to tell Soda not to call him that, he didn’t care enough. “Is Johnny there?”

“Johnny? No. Haven’t seen him yet today but if he comes by later I’ll tell him you called.”

“Thanks, tell him to call me back at my place, will ya?”

“Sure thing.”

Tim flinched as the playful shouting over the phone rang into his ear before he hung up the phone before getting in his car and heading back to his house. 

When he got home he nearly forgot anything on his mind as he heard the sound of now Curly and Angela arguing loudly in the kitchen. Practically screaming at each other. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Tim asked loudly, attempting to interrupt the bickering pair. 

“Curly stole twenty bucks from me!” Angela ranted out, her eyes wind with anger. He did not want to spend the time or energy on this. Especially over twenty dollars. 

“Curly, just give it back” he warned, rubbing his temples. 

“Give what back?” Curly sneered. 

And within seconds the two of them were back at each other’s throats. And as much as Tim didn’t want them to kill each other, he had too much on his mind to deal with his siblings shit. Especially with them being eighteen fucking years old. It made him feel crazy. 

“Can you take this outside? Please?” Tim signed, not at all impressed. 

And with that he was left alone in his house again to his thoughts. He tried not to let his mind wander too much as he glazed his fingers over the letter still in his pocket. He got himself a beer from the fridge, cracked it open, and sat on the couch to watch whatever shitty gangster movie was on that day. 

Not shortly after the movie ended did the phone ring, making Tim jump as Curly and Angela still weren’t back yet. But he wasn’t worried. As childish as they were, they weren’t flat out stupid. 

“Helllo?” Tim answered the phone, not bothering to look for the number of who was calling. 

“Hey, Tim? It’s Johnny. Soda told me you wanted me to call?” Johnny’s voice sounded different over the phone. 

“Johnny! Hey! Yeah, I was cleaning out Dally’s stuff from his place and I found something you might want” Tim hesitated. He didn’t know to mention it was practically a love/hate goodbye letter. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What is it? He gave me all I thought he wanted to when I left last week.”

“It’s a letter, of sorts. I don’t think he was ever gonna send it. But I thought maybe it would be worth a read, you know. With the way things ended.”

There was a silence and Tim almost automatically regretted adding the last part. 

“Oh, sure. Thanks Tim.”

“Yeah no problem.”

“What? Are you gonna read it to me?” Johnny chuckled lightly through the phone. Tim nearly had to hold in the smile that spread across his face as his stomach jumped at the sound. 

“I figured I could give it to you. You busy?”

“Nah.”

“Wanna meet me at the park by the Curtis house in ten?”

“Sure, love to.” And Tim’s stomach lurched again. 

And before he could catch himself and stop himself to ask ‘what the hell am I doing?’, Tim was looking in the bathroom mirror. Running his hands through his thick black hair and grazing his tongue over the small scar on his lip. 

The air outside was cold enough to need a light jacket but not too cold to where he didn’t want to go. But something inside him told him that he would be willing to take the walk even if it was freezing out. 

As he approached the park the noticed a shape he recognized as Johnny sitting on a cold metal bench facing parallel to Tim, so he could see the way the street lights beat down on the boy's face. His scar from over four years ago was still ever present but fading along with Johnny’s fear of being places alone. 

“Hey” Tim greeted, hesitating to sit next to Johnny on the smaller bench. 

“Hey, how are you?” Johnny turned to face Tim with an easy smile that went straight to Tim’s head. 

“Good, you?”

“Good” Johnny nodded “what’s this about a letter?”

“Oh yeah” Tim rummaged through his jacket pocket and pulled out the wrinkled letter and smoothing it out against his pants. 

Tim offered it out to Johnny but Johnny hesitated to take it “you read it, yeah?”

“Yeah, sorry-“

“Should I read it?”

Tim thought for a second. He didn’t think about how Johnny would feel about the matter before. He was just so stuck on his feelings and thoughts. And maybe in a weird way wanted to show them to Johnny through Dally’s letter. But he didn’t want to hurt Johnny. Even though Tim knew Johnny wasn’t the kicked puppy people made him out to be, he still didn’t want to hurt him. 

“I don’t know” he answered honestly. 

“Well tell me this, Tim, is it gonna change anything?”

Tim thought again for a second then smiled “no.”

“Then burn it” Johnny raised an eyebrow, extending his lighter out to Tim. 

Their fingers brushed and Tim felt like he had accidentally set off the lighter with a jolt through his whole body. 

“You really want me to burn it? You’re sure?”

“Burn it. It’s not my job to take care of Dallas Winston anymore, Tim.”

Tim chuckled softly. Johnny was right, it wasn’t anyone’s business anymore. And with that he struck up the lighter, lighting the corner of the letter on fire, instantly going up in flames as it floated to the pavement between them. 

He looked over at Johnny to see that his smile had disappeared in the bright orange glow from beneath. Not that he looked upset. Or angry, sad even. He looked content, perfectly content. Or maybe even just perfect, to Tim. 

“So, you’re really over Dally, huh?” Tim cleared his throat. Something about the way he was feeling made him want to make sure that Johnny wasn’t interested in Dally anymore. Maybe even anyone for that matter. 

“I have been.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

Tim froze momentarily “I just mean that’s good for you, you know. You seem much happier single.” Maybe his words had more meaning behind them than just complementary. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m happier single, I’m just happier I guess” Johnny smiled and leaned back on the bench. 

Tim tried to take in his words but the only thing that seemed to be bouncing around his head was that Johnny was in fact single. He didn’t know why that small detail mattered so much, it hasn’t ever really mattered before but now somehow it was stuck in his mind like a good song. Scratch that, the best song. 

“Are you happy, Tim?”

Johnny was looking at him, brightly dull brown eyes twinkling in between the dying blaze and the street lights above. 

“Right now?”

“Sure, why not.”

Tim thought for a second. Happy was a good word. But it wasn’t exactly the right word to describe how he was feeling right then and there. He tried to think of a good word but there wasn’t any that came to mind quick enough or at all. So he just sat there, thinking, and Johnny let him. 

“I guess so.”

“You guess?”

“I can’t find the word.”

Johnny smiled softly and nodded down at the paper, or what was left of it, “who needs words.”

And then Tim felt a hand on his, and looked down. Johnny was carefully tracing his fingers over every part of Tim’s hand. It was gentle and innocent but it still made Tim nervous in a way that he hadn’t ever felt before today. Then Johnny slipped his hand into his, holding it tightly against the cold bench. 

“See, no words needed” he rubbed his thumb over Tim’s knuckle. And Tim had no idea Johnny could be so, he was at a loss of words again. Something he was beginning to hate that he liked so much. 

Tim sighed and leaned his head back to rest against Johnny’s shoulder, looking up at the dark night sky littered with stars and specks. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it” Tim hummed absentmindedly. 

“Yeah” Johnny replied, his eyes gazing over Tim’s hard features that somehow looked timid in the moon's dim light. 

The two of them sat there through the entire night. Neither of them slept, they didn’t need to. Johnny continued to trace small shapes on the back of Tim’s hand while Tim looked up at the stars. He could have sworn he saw one shoot across in the midnight sky and he thought about making a wish, but again, nothing came to mind. It felt like he had nothing left to wish for. That they all had come true.


End file.
